Happy Birthday in Heaven

Happy 4th Birthday in heaven to my beautiful angel!

Four years old. Today you would have been 4 years old on earth, the thought of it leaves me speechless.

(First Birthday)

June 4th marked your 1 Year Angelversary, that day my whole world froze solid, the earth stopped rotating and time stood still. It hasn’t changed since.

Missing out on experiencing you blowing out your birthday candles as you make your birthday wish for all the years to come, taking you to the store to pick out your favorite decorations for the theme of your birthday party, watching you rip through the paper of all your birthday gifts and seeing your face light up, no longer being able to guide you through life as you reach each milestone, witnessing the sisterly bond being broken on earth but still receiving heavenly signs and connections that lead straight to you..

This first year without you has been an up and down spiraling roller coaster and an unimaginable wave of emotions. In the blink of an eye, everything can change and nothing will ever remain the same. I try to wear a smile on my face and shed a little bit of laughter with your sister. As contagious as your little laugh and sweet smile both were, I know that’s the way you would want us to be. You wouldn’t want us to be wiping away tears that are to be expected. I get so angry that you are gone, after wanting you so badly and to have you stripped out of our lives so quickly, a little over a year later and it is STILL processing. I know it always will.

If I don’t know anything, I do know that you’ve left your mark on the world and you continue to do so, which you always & forever will. The impact you’ve made on the universe, the lives you’ve touched and saved, the message you are sending through the nations, that is more powerful than I ever knew was fully possible. Your story of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever continues to be told, people are to this day reaching out and asking questions, asking for advice about ticks, symptoms and what to look out for. The impact you continue to make is heroic, for such a tiny human. You were an angel from the start and it’s proven to me everyday.

——————————————————

Yesterday was a little getaway at the beach.. You should have been there with us, running through the sand with your big sister and building sandcastles.

(1 years old – the happiest beach baby at your first Florida trip to PCB)

As we were heading back from our 3+ hour trip after getting something to eat, the unthinkable happened. We went from singing songs in the car, laughing, your big sister Aileah and I snap chatting in the backseat to one hell of a roller coaster ride in the car. Everything happened so fast.. With Janice’s daughter behind the wheel, sliding off the side of the road (for whatever reason) into the gravel, jerking the steering wheel a couple times as an attempt to straightening the car out, going 50mph, she ended up flipping the car at least two times. As we were flipping, I don’t remember what I was thinking about. There was so much adrenaline running through our bodies, being slammed, flipped upside down and rolling.. Within seconds of us finally coming to a halt, there was a man at my window asking if we were okay. The car landed on the driver’s side, the side Aileah was on. I could see that she was still breathing, no blood or visible injuries appeared to be on her. The man at my window happened to be an off duty police officer who witness everything that happened. He was able to pull Aileah out of the vehicle and I climbed out of the back. Janice and her daughter were then pulled out. Minutes later, an ambulance pulled up, a fire truck, a couple sheriffs, and they blocked the road off in both directions. The emergency response was immaculate!

As the car was being towed, Aileah and I were escorted by a couple sheriffs, followed by Janice and her daughter in another sheriff’s vehicle to one of their local restaurants until we could be picked up and taken home. I was talking to my mother on the phone when we arrived and the moment I pointed to the window, showing Aileah the lightening bug that I saw (a sign from Kenley), my mom says “Kenley must have been looking over you guys.” There is no other explanation other than that being exactly it. For us to be able to walk away from that banged up car, after rolling, being slammed and flipped upside, through busted glass and everything, to walk away fully intact with some scrapes and scratches is mind blowing. All four of us are lucky to be alive, lucky that another vehicle wasn’t involved, lucky that a tree or building wasn’t struck. Lucky to have that off duty officer behind us and responding as quickly as he did. Yesterday was one of the scariest experiences I have ever been through. To see that sign from Kenley, the lightening bug on the window right where we were sitting, let’s me know she was with us. We all could have easily been called home yesterday, it’s definitely not our time just yet.

(The lightening bug on the window by where we were sitting. I went outside to take the picture.)

I’m thinking of you heavily baby girl, just like I do everyday. The aftermath of the wreck, your birthday, today is another day of trying to stop myself from drowning in tears.

I miss you so much, beautiful girl. I always, always, always will, until we meet again.

Happy Birthday in heaven, baby girl!!

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