Three years.

Three years Kenley boo… It’s been three years since I held you in my arms and kissed your pretty face. Three years since I put your beautiful white-blonde hair up into a ponytail that you loved so much. Three years since I last saw you and now three years means you’ve been up in heaven longer than you were here on earth. Each day that passes makes it further and further away from the last time I saw you, but hopefully closer to the day I get to see you again and this time it will be through those pearly gates. I miss you so much baby girl, the anniversary date of your death is the hardest day of the year for me. Everyday without you is hard, but June 4th brings me to my knees. It’s the day I dread the most out of all days in the calendar year. The flashbacks of you being sick and in and out of three different emergency rooms somehow manage to always come back. It all starts around Memorial Day when you first became sick and the thoughts leading up to this time three years ago just keep building up to June 4th, the day I dread most of all. I find myself sitting and pondering from time to time, asking why? Why you? Why my precious baby? With a world filled with hate and how angelic, loving, full of life, my little ray of sunshine, Why you? As perfect as you are, why did you have to go so soon? I have endless questions spinning through my head sometimes about the why’s, how’s, what if’s, when it pertains to you… Then I realize in somehow, someway, you knew you were here on borrowed time. The way you would touch people by your sweet little charm. It’s almost as if you weren’t human, an angel is what everyone saw in you. They would say that longgggg before you ever became sick, strangers would stop me when we were in public places and comment on just how beautiful you were. “Look at that baby, look at her hair, look at her skin, she looks like an angel.” I heard it all the time, my sweet Kenley girl. Your porcelain skin, you looked like one of those dolls people order from magazines, so flawless. Your dark eyes and long lashes, your white-blonde hair and how it would shine even without sunlight. The way you’d hold your hand to your mouth and give that cheeky smile. I miss it all baby girl, everything about you.

Before you became sick, you just began speech therapy and were doing so well already. You were going to be starting pre-school too. I remember that first day dropping you off at pre-school as a warm up, and you were so scared. You held onto my leg and cried, then the next time I dropped you off, you were just fine. You were ready Kenley boo. To see you now, I know you’d be making mommy so very proud of you. If you were still here, you’d be graduating from kindergarten. I wonder what you would look like now, you’d be talking so much more. I’m sure you’d be into TikTok and making videos with your sissy. You just loved snapchat and being in front of the camera, I can only imagine what your TikTok videos would look like.

You were something very special Kenley boo, you still are. Even though you were only a two and a half year old baby girl, you’ve made an astonishing impact across the globe with your story of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Because of you, many lives have been saved, many people now know about the precautions when it comes to ticks. People still reach out to me about ticks for advice on what to do and I try my best to lead them in the right direction so they don’t have to face the unimaginable pain of losing a child or someone dear to their heart. You’ll forever be my hero, my saving grace, my guardian angel, & you’ll always be my baby.

Thank you for the signs you’ve been sending me, I always notice. You send them right when I need them in places where I don’t know I will find them, but you always send them exactly when I know to look. I’ve been finding pennies “pennies from Heaven” lately and I always keep them, they’re my Kenley pennies. Thank you for the cardinal sign this morning. I know you heard me this morning when I was talking to you and told you I loved you and asked you to send me a sign. When I stepped outside, I saw a cardinal fly right by me, then it flew by again in the opposite direction. You know I needed that more than ever, especially today.

I love you more than words will ever express. There’s not enough words in the English dictionary or any other language that could ever come close to describing the amount of love I have for you. Until we meet again. 💛

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