6th birthday in heaven

Today you would be turning 6 years old. You should be blowing out 6 birthday candles and making a wish. You should have graduated from kindergarten a few weeks ago and made your mommy so proud. You should be here Kenley Boo, this life without you here physically just isn’t fair. Knowing there are so many milestones you should have accomplished and I won’t be able to see any of them, is truly heartbreaking. Apart of me inside my soul died the day you went to heaven and my heart will never be the same. It shatters all over again on days like today, only reminding me that it’s yet another year without you.

I’m forced to carry on in this this crazy, corrupt universe without you. Everything just looks so different on my side of the spectrum since you’ve been gone. It’s a whole new world without you here and I have no other choice but to continue living in this new life without you here. It’s been over 3 years now that you’ve gained your angel wings and I’m still learning this “new life.” It’s something that I’ve been told, “You need to get over it, stop being so depressed, think of something else, you’re so strong, she’s in a better place.” People tend to mean well when they say words like that, but more than likely, they’ve never experienced losing a child themselves and saying words like that just seems like the right things to say. Let me tell you, they’re not, nothing about telling someone to get over the loss of their child is comforting, if I want to cry for days and tune the world out and be “depressed,” by all means, I will do just that. I’m strong because I have to be, I carry a heavy weight on my shoulders and a heavy heart in my chest with each beat, because I have to for my pre-teen child that I have still living. Telling someone their child is in a better place is so clichè, I have probably said it to someone in the past too when they’ve lost someone, but deep down, we want that person with us and no where else.

I miss you, Kenley Boo, my forever 2 & 1/2 year old, sweet baby girl. It’s hard to believe you’ve been gone as long as you have now. I’m hurting a little extra today. I love you sweet baby and I hope you’re having the time of your life celebrating your 6th birthday in heaven, until we meet again. 💛

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